After years of providing specialist interventions for couples and families, I am passionate about helping families work through the emotional distress associated with separation. Time and time again in my practice I consult with family members who struggle to come to terms with the emotional, practical and psychological impacts related to family separation. With that in mind, the following family separation advice (for couples, parents and families) is provided to offer some helpful detail about coping.

Relationship breakdowns can be emotionally challenging and often lead to increased feelings of stress, sadness and anxiety. When the relationship that ends is a marriage, especially one that involves children, it can be even harder still. Not only are people confronted with the grief and loss of losing a partner, but they are also faced with having to adjust to the change in their family circumstances, living environment, financial position and responsibilities as a parent.

A marital or family separation is considered to be a major life crisis. The feelings that come along with that crisis can often be intense, confusing and overwhelming. It is no wonder then that separations can have a significant negative affect on our emotional well-being, psychological health and ability to cope with stress.

Everyone will have their own individual experience of loss associated with a marriage ending, along with their own unique collection of emotions and thoughts to deal with. It is common for people to feel like they are riding a roller-coaster of feelings, often going through numerous emotional responses across a period of time, including shock, confusion, anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, depression and helplessness.

The Importance of Self-care:

Given the massive impact a separation can have on our functioning, it is vitally important that people take the time to look after their emotional and psychological health following a separation. It can be very useful for people to talk about the separation with friends and family, which is a strategy that helps assist people to emotionally process the feelings and thoughts involved. When there is a high degree of emotion involved, or when people do not have adequate social support, speaking with a professional can be of great assistance in helping people to come to terms with the experiences involved in a marital separation.

In addition to emotionally processing the distress, there are many ways to deal with the rollercoaster of emotion that comes following a separation. Making sure to take care of yourself emotionally and physically is important to help you to cope. This is especially so if there are children involved. Parents need to be coping as well as possible in order to be able to help their children emotionally adjust in the event of a family separation.

Some of the important strategies to use during a separation to improve coping abilities include;

• Give yourself permission to take care of yourself emotionally and physically, and allow yourself the time to recover,

• Accept support from the people around you. This can mean making time to talk with family, friends or a professional about how you are feeling,

• Practice relaxation to reduce stress and anxiety. Simply taking 30 minutes a day to unwind with a calm activity or hobby can make a big difference,

• Maintain a positive attitude to help keep your mood stable. This can be as simple as making an effort each day to notice the positive things, or acknowledging when you have done something well,

• Set realistic expectations for yourself. Focus on the day to day things you can control and change, making sure to break goals down into small, achievable steps,

• Make time to care of your physical health. Eating well, engaging in regular exercise and getting enough sleep can all make a big difference in keeping stress and depression at bay,

• Schedule some time to engage in activities that you enjoy, and allow yourself some positive treats to look forward to,

• Steer clear of unhealthy avoidance behaviours, like drinking, smoking or using medications to help you cope,

• Maintain a healthy support network. This might mean making special efforts to catch up with friends and family, or perhaps setting goals to start meeting new people,

• Monitor yourself for signs that you might need some additional assistance. If you notice signs of increased depressed feelings, higher anxiety or changes in your physical health seek extra support.

If you are concerned about how you are feeling following a separation, working with a Psychologist can be useful to help navigate through the difficult journey of loss. A Psychological can help you to learn positive strategies to improve resilience and coping abilities, along with offering practical ideas for the real-world problems that come after a separation.

Psychological counselling can also be useful to help build strategies to assist you in developing a positive co-parenting relationship with your former partner, which we know enhances outcomes for both children and adults following a family separation.

While a marital, family or relationship separation can bring with it pain and upheaval, with enough time, support and positive action, people can effectively learn to cope. Once the emotional damage is dealt with, people can get on with the business of living and enhancing the enjoyment in their new life. Not only that, people can achieve feelings of resolution, acceptance and empowerment as they move forward into the future.